But why is it in English?

Posted on September 8, 2003 by acb

One reason I tend to write and think so much about the war — apart from believing that it may turn out to have been a mistake of 1914 proportions — is that the blogs I read are overwhelmingly American and so concerned overwhelmingly with American mistakes. Here’s a refreshing change.

Posted in Blather | 7 Comments

Idleness, stupidity and cowardice

Posted on September 6, 2003 by acb

These are, when I come to think of it, the main reasons for my lack of success in life. I’ve just finished two long magazine pieces, and should have spent yesterday writing a book outline. Instead, I sat down to fiddle with the word count code I had made for OOo, and emerged six hours later with a macro that does everything anyone could possibly want, except for the old Cix trick of counting down to a given word length and then putting up a message that says “stop typing now”. Mind you, I worked out how to do that, too, on a walk afterwards. And I won’t. I won’t. I will do my outline. And if goood intentions can’t spur me into action, I’ll do my accounts.

Posted in Journalism, OOo | 2 Comments

A silly limerick

Posted on September 2, 2003 by acb

inspired by the quite extraordinary organ of a a hedgehog seen on a David Attenborough video:

A hedgehog, when cursed with insomnia, said, “Dear, poets have sung their encomnia
to food and to sleep,
and the joys of a heap
of dried leaves — but amor vincit omnia.”

It does have to be extraordinary, to surmount all the spines.

Posted in Blather | 3 Comments

a lost orthography

Posted on September 2, 2003 by acb

In 1561, a man named John Veron published a book called the Frutefull Treatise of Predestination and Providence … against the Swynysche Gruntings of the Atheystes and Epicures of Oure Time. Not much hope of finding tht on Amazon, I fear. But it’s obvious that our spelling of “swinish”, coming after his, defines orthographical decadence.

Posted in God | 1 Comment

A cliché walks

Posted on September 2, 2003 by acb

I had occasion yesterday to ring Colm Toibin in Dublin. I asked him a fairly complicated question about the historical background to modern Irish self-understanding. He paused for about 30 seconds, and then spoke in well-structured paragraphs, arranged around a theme and telling a coherent story, for about fifteen minutes at a speed where I could write most of it down without missing too much or my attention flagging. It was an astonishing demonstration of what talking can become as a craft properly practised. I was, like, oh my god!

Posted in Journalism | 2 Comments

Thought for the day

Posted on September 1, 2003 by acb

“Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness” I doubt I could get that into the Daily Mail’s slot for heartwarming things the grandchildren say.

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Absolutely Fabulous

Posted on September 1, 2003 by acb
I didn’t make this up, honest.
Early this year, just before my son Alfie was born, I had lunch with one of my old bosses, a very glamorous mother of two. She had some advice for me about giving birth, woman to woman. This is very important, she said, don’t forget. When you feel the first hint of a contraction, you must go straight to the bathroom, lock the door and take off all your clothes. Then exfoliate all over, and apply two layers of St Tropez fake tan. That way you will look fine for the next few days even if you don’t get a chance to do your makeup. The thing is, at the time, I thought this was eminently sensible, useful advice …
Everybody warns you that having a baby changes your life. When you are pregnant, they won’t shut up about how neither your body nor your relationship, nor the car you drive or the magazines you read, will ever be the same again. But the one thing I wasn’t prepared for was how much having a baby would change my image.
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where are all the grandparents?

Posted on August 31, 2003 by acb

I suppose the American extended family we know most intimately here in Saffron Walden is the Doonesburies. Talking with my daughter the other day, we suddenly realised that there is a strange shortage of granny interaction there. I mean, Joanie never seems to have anything to do with Alex. I do know that they live on opposite sides of the continent, and that Joanie ran out on her own child as a young woman. But I still think it odd. Maybe it just is the case that upper middle-class Americans don’t have grandparents any more than they have washing lines and that only poor people and country dwellers still maintain the tradition. It’s very sad, if it’s true. Of course, on the Well, it would be possible to discuss this at endless length in the comics conference, but I’m not there now.

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a test of readership

Posted on August 29, 2003 by acb

I have got a perfectly horrible story up on the Guardian’s web site this morning. It’s not original, of course: I found a pointer on Rafe Coburn’s site, I think. But it’s news to the English; and I’ll be interested to see if other papers take it up, because that column goes out with the Wrap, which is now a subscription-only service. Will anyone read to the end? Will anyone notice it’s a great Daily Mail feature? Will I get off my perfect bottom and write it for the Mail while simultaneously finishing the Foster profile?

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this modern world

Posted on August 29, 2003 by acb

Kevin Drum has just lived through the perfect summary of the modern economy. Two years ago, he brought a Minolta colour laser printer for $1000. over the last few weeks, all the consumables ran out: four ink cartridges, a fuser oil roller, and a drum kit. The cost of replacing all these was $686. A new printer, of the same model, now costs $600 from Amazon, with free shipping.

It’s worth noting that the arithmetic is slightly different with HP inkjets. They come with specially undersized print cartridges when you buy them, so that it isn’t nearly cheaper to buy a new printer (£200) than to replace the cartridges (£50).

Posted in Blather | 1 Comment