I didn’t make this up, honest.
Early this year, just before my son Alfie was born, I had lunch with one of my old bosses, a very glamorous mother of two. She had some advice for me about giving birth, woman to woman. This is very important, she said, don’t forget. When you feel the first hint of a contraction, you must go straight to the bathroom, lock the door and take off all your clothes. Then exfoliate all over, and apply two layers of St Tropez fake tan. That way you will look fine for the next few days even if you don’t get a chance to do your makeup.
The thing is, at the time, I thought this was eminently sensible, useful advice …
Everybody warns you that having a baby changes your life. When you are pregnant, they won’t shut up about how neither your body nor your relationship, nor the car you drive or the magazines you read, will ever be the same again. But the one thing I wasn’t prepared for was how much having a baby would change my image.