Questions to Santa

dl. Q: I have here a 35mm film canister containing “Creosote salve”, which says it can cure _Självsprickor,_ excema, and weeping sores, as well as repelling mosquitoes and midges. Will it also cure colds?:A: Not entirely, but if you rub it on your upper lip, the smell is pleasant and the resemblance to central European dictators slight.
Q: What are _Självsprickor,_ anyway?:A: I’d guess chapped lips. Better informed opinions welcome.
Q: What are the ingedients of this wonderworking substance?:A: Creosote, Beeswax, Vegetable oil.
Q: An “Ajax live machine translation service”: is very clever, but “Jack Schofield says”: it doesn’t work in IE. Does it work in anything else?:A: _Ich traf ein Laufstück von einem antiken Land sagte, das — zwei beträchtlich und trunkless Beine des Steins, Standplatz im Ödland._
Q: Did you steal that last link from John Naughton?:A: It was a presssent, yes it was. It’s mine.
Q: What is the funniest thing you have heard on the radio all year?:A: Andrew Marr’s [“history of Mornington Crescent”:] and especially the cricket commentary at around 22 minutes in.
Q: Is this _sophisticated_ humour?:A: Not unduly.

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4 Responses to Questions to Santa

  1. Yes, Andrew Marr’s programme about Mornington Crescent is quite splendid. But I wonder if anybody from outside the UK is able to understand it at all, let alone find it funny. I suspect not.

  2. Folke says:

    why ask a cocacola santa when you have jultomten? He always used to come up our snowy lane on julafton, bang on the door and ask: finns det nàra snälla barn här, and we all hid under the table and only came out when he was sitting on a kitchen chair and started to hand out the presents (like my Airfix plane model that always was finished and stuck together before I went to bed even before the paint was dry….) God fortsättning och Gott Nytt Ar!! (jävla franska tangentbordet…)

  3. acb says:

    Tack, Folke.
    A well-informed Swedish person tells me that _Självsprickor_ are split callouses.

  4. Mrs Tilton says:

    Hmm; reenglishing with Google, I get:

    I met a piece of run of a antiken country said, — two considerably and trunkless legs of the stone, location in the wasteland.

    As good as Shelley if you ask me, and very nearly as good as Horace Smith.

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