Some people are upset about the craze for giving charity goats to Africa. In Africa, the real goats gnaw at everything they can reach, still further deforesting a fragile ecosystem; in this country the certificate gnaws at the recipient’s self-esteem, suggesting they are the kind of miserable bastard who never gives enough to charity. The also swell the pharisaic self-satisfaction of the giver, who can believe that they have done something ostentatiously good which simultaneously reflects well on their own sensitivity and care for the earth while causing obscure dissatisfaction to the recipient who is deprived not only of a present they might have liked more, but of grumbling, the traditional compensation for bad presents. You can grumble about a revolting sweater or a silly book, but how can you grumble about a gift for the poor? It only puts you further in the wrong.
I see an opening here for a shrewd entrepreneur. The charity goats remain a very middle class phenomenon. There must still be millions of dud presents given this Christmas, ranging from CDs to pullovers, gifts that appear good only for landfill, or charity stores. But there is one more thing that an unwanted gift can do. It can feed a hungry goat. No matter what it is, a goat will eat it. Given the perversity of the animal, it may well prefer a cashmere sweater to an acacia tree.
So on Boxing Day, I plan to open a web site offering charity gifts for the rest of us: ship your rubbish off to feed a goat in Africa! Save the environment, and, if you want, we’ll send a card to the original giver of the gift you have recycled.
I was thinking of getting Dr B a donkey. He’s always wanted one (memories of Cyprus) but our garden isn’t big enough for the dog let alone anything with hooves. So it seems ideal to keep it in Africa. I’m assured it will write to him at least twice a year.
Hey, I gave my son & daughter-in-law a cow for their wedding present because they’ve been together for 8 years, didn’t need any stuff and didn’t want money. I’ve given pigs, bees and chickens and I gave my best friend in Kenya a goat because whenever I’ve sent her anything the cost of bribes she pays to it out of the post office is greater than the value of the present. Don’t knock it–the Heifer Project is a good deal.
Of course giving these charitable contributions is a middle class thing: middle class people are glutted with stuff and finding anything to give that they want and haven’t got is close to impossible. There are, of course, “thoughtful” gifts–hand-crafted, hand-knitted, home made or selected with creative inspiration. But please note all this hand-crafted non-commercial alternative Christmas stuff burdens women with the job of crafting, knitting and shopping for “creative” presents. I don’t mind knitting but for the life of me I can’t understand what anyone sees in shopping–ugh. This year it’s goats all around.
It’s goats alone to which I have seen objections made. Trees are perhaps the most entirely positive things you could supply, especially if they bear good fruit; hmm: “Give the gift of an opium poppy”?
I do approve of these schames really, and I certainly like the idea that we have more things than we need, and should concentrate on the gifts that change the lives of the recipients. But there is somethng about the scheme which just stimulated my bad taste glands, probably its connection with Christmas.