Shorter Tori Amos

She seems to have two songs: “Oh God, oh God, I can’t find my vibrator!” and “Oh God, Oh God, I’ve found it!”

UPDATE: in the interests of balancing misanthropy, a story. My impression of TA comes from the (otherwise) flawless Future Wolf Biologist playing her for an hour or so every day between school and homework for the last two months.

Among the FWB’s accomplishments is drawing (she did the front page rollover in the lower right quadrant when she was twelve) but as she has grown older, her quick portraits have become less and less flattering. In fact she appears to draw people not as they are, but as they will be after several days on their deathbed.

The other night we were sitting in a pub with my visiting Aunt Vicky, and when the meal ended, the FWB sketched while we talked. First, her great aunt, looking like Oetzi’s sister. Then me. “My God!” I said. “I look like Iain Duncan Smith after he’s been dead for three days.”

“No!” said Vicky, “You look exactly like his father. They had a house near us in Cork.”