What the papers said

Here are the headlines which the British papers that you probably don’t read had on their front pages to mark the Pope’s Death:

The Mail on Sunday

Camilla will be princess of Wales.
Her ex-husband is linked to Sinn Fein chief.
Safe in Heaven

The People

My hell wed to Tracy
She beat me up in a rage
Drunk for 2yrs solid
Vomited food at me
Drove me to suicide
Nearly died from boozing.
The Corrie Monster exclusive by the husband whose heart she broke.
Pope Dead. He slips away at 8.37 pm, saying Be happy.
Exclusive Wills buys home with lover Kate.
3 off as toon barmy army fight each other. Arsenal second as United slip.

(those are all the words on the front page of the Sunday People, which sells over 2m copies a day).

News of the World

Brave to the last
Legends of Rock. Free CD inside every single paper.
Harry Cheats on Chelsy.
Prince’s fling with Swedish blonde beauty.

(“Brave to the last” was their Pope story. My edition was early, and missed the death. It may have knocked Legends of Rock off the front page later.)

Sunday Mirror

Perv Glitter on the way back home
Free cd inside .. no tokens, .. no fuss
The Pope is Dead. The world mourns for John Paul: see Pages 4,5,39-42.

Of course, the respectable press put the Pope’s death all over the page. But the papers I have quoted are the real Mainsteam media in this country. Every single one of them sells more than even the godawful Sunday Times. So I think the Americans out there can feel a little smug this morning.