{"id":611,"date":"2003-04-16T10:07:19","date_gmt":"2003-04-16T14:07:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/?p=611"},"modified":"2003-04-16T10:07:19","modified_gmt":"2003-04-16T14:07:19","slug":"what-can-we-learn-from-the-worm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/?p=611","title":{"rendered":"What can we learn from the worm"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have just been filling out an incredibly long and detailed author questionnaire for Columbia University Press. One test was to provide half a dozen questions for journalists to ask who are too lazy<\/del> busy to read the book. I should have sent them Peter Cook’s take on worms, scanned in below.<\/p>\n\n
\n

\nDUDLEY<\/span>:\tWhat, Sir Arthur, can we learn from the worm?\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Well, I’ve been studying the
\nworm for thirty odd years — thirty very odd years indeed — and I
\nthink the main thing I’ve learnt about worms is that they are very
\nuncommunicative, self-effacing creatures.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tIs it possible, in fact, for a worm to communicate?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Well, let me put it this way. In
\nall my many years of intensive study of the worm, I’ve never
\nknown a worm to speak to me. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s
\nsomething I’ve said, or possibly something I’ve left unsaid.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tBut can they hear?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Oh yes, but don’t feel
\ninhibited. My worms have seen it all. They are unshockable. Feel
\nfree to say anything you like.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tWhat led you into this somewhat specialised field of
\nwormology?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: I think it was my father who
\nwas responsible, both for me, and my interest in worms. He, in
\nfact, was the discoverer of the world’s longest worm.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tHow long was that?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING:Approximately three thousand
\nmiles. He came across it in the Andes. and spent five years
\ntracing it back to its source in the Azores.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tThere has been some doubt expressed about the
\nauthenticity of this claim. Wasn’t it Professor Hans Gauleiter
\nwho suggested that your father had sighted the head of one
\nworm in the Andes and the tail of another worm in the Azores?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Well, Gauleiter was of course
\nprejudiced against my father, who was at the time romantically
\ninvolved with Frau Gauleiter, the Professor’s wife. She shared
\nmy father’s interest in enormous worms.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tI wonder if I could have a look at some of the worms you
\nhave here in captivity?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: I very much doubt it. You see,
\nworms spend most of their life underground. I’ve got a couple in
\nhere, but they haven’t been out for years. If you like, we could sit
\ndown here with a thermos and some sandwiches, but it might be
\nyears before we sighted one.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>: But I believe you have some slides of worms in action.<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: No. I have some slides of
\nworms in Acton, where I do most of my research. These are
\ncharacteristic studies of the varying moods of worms in North
\nLondon.<\/p>\n\n

(Sir Arthur shows DUDLEY <\/span>some pictures of worms.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Here we see a worm in repose,
\nand one can see from this study why the worm has inspired the
\nartist throughout the ages.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>: There is certainly a kind of classical simplicity about the
\nline.<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: A tremendously relaxed quality.
\nBut in startling contrast, let me show you another side of the
\nworm’s nature. This is an enraged worm, under conditions of
\ngreat stress.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>: There seems to be no real difference in its expression.
\nHow do you know it was under stress?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: I was shouting at it, saying ‘You
\nstupid worm! Move along there, worm!’ And other
\ninflammatory phrases. But as you?ve noticed, the worm keeps its
\nfeelings well under control. In this respect, they are superior to
\nthe human race.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>: How do worms reproduce?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: I mean, worms aren’t in the
\nhabit of having a great deal to eat and drink, staggering upstairs,
\ngetting into bed and taking all their dothes off and muttering ‘I
\nlove you’ and ‘was it alright for you, darling?’ The worm has a
\nmore earthy approach.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>: How do they go about it?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Slowly but surely. I don’t know
\nwhether you ye ever been underground for any length of time,
\nbut take it from me — it’s dark, damp and visibility is nil. Not an
\nideal setting for romance. Just let me show you a male and a
\nfemale worm in a prenuptial mating display.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tHow do you tell the difference between the male and the
\nfemale?<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Well, men wear trousers,
\nwhereas women have long hair and things out here.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tI meant in worms.<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Well, the answer is you can t,
\nand nor can they. It’s rather a hit-or-miss affair. The worm
\ntunnels along, hoping he’ll hit a miss, and if he doesn’t, it’s
\napologies all round and the worm turns in considerable
\nembarrassment. Here is a worm on the turn. Notice the slight
\nblush.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tIt must also be difficult to distinguish one end of the
\nworm from the other.<\/p>\n\n

SIR ARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: It is a bit of a toss up. Heads or
\ntails, there’s nothing in it. And this leads to the worm s worst
\ndilemma, trapped in a narrow tunnel of its own making,
\napproached on either side by two rampant worms in a state of
\nsexual arousal.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tWhat does the worm do in these circumstances?<\/p>\n\n

SIR<\/span>\tARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Either the worm decides to face
\nthe music and take the consequences, or else, as is more usual, it
\nmakes a suicidal leap for the surface, where of course it’s a sitting
\nduck for any bird.<\/p>\n\n

DUDLEY<\/span>:\tMay I ask what your plans are for the future?<\/p>\n\nSIR<\/span>\tARTHUR STREEB<\/span>-GREEBLING: Well, I’ve written a book, Helga
\nthe Worm Cub<\/em>. I?ve got 4000 copies in the conservatory. It?s the
\nstory of a kindly old man who finds a wounded worm and nurses
\nit back to health. It would make a terrific film. I saw myself as
\nthe man and either Virginia McKenna or Brigitte Bardot as my
\nwife. Bardot in particular looks as if she could have a soft spot for
\na worm.
\n<\/blockquote>\n\n

… And so on, for another page of unalloyed perfection.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have just been filling out an incredibly long and detailed author questionnaire for Columbia University Press. One test was to provide half a dozen questions for journalists to ask who are too lazy busy to read the book. I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a> Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/611"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=611"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/611\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=611"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=611"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thewormbook.com\/hlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=611"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}